How to regain my sexual desire?

fixing my sexual desire

Last week, I wrote an article about how I had lost my way in sex. Things had become too complex, too many rules to follow, and the expectations I set for myself were too high. I was stuck. Funny enough, it felt terrible mostly before I accepted that. Afterwards, I felt mostly relief and a strong urge to find out how to regain my sexual desire. In this article, I will share what has helped me so far. First of all, sexuality is a topic I’ve been exploring a lot over the last two years. What I felt was that many of us, me included, often lost ourselves in a race towards sex. Sex was the goal in the game of intimacy …

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I’ve lost my way in sex

lost my way in sex

I remember sex as being something light, something playful. But somewhere along the way, it became complex, weird, and uneasy for me. I feel inadequate; it feels like hard work, like I’ve lost my edge. I don’t know what I’m doing anymore, I’ve lost my way in sex, and in a way, believe it or not, that is a good thing. For me, sex is essentially about having fun, about connecting, exploring, finding out how someone ticks, how the two (or more) of you connect. Sometimes about diving in an ocean of love, going under together. Other times, about letting your tiger come out to play, to snarl, devour, dominate and surrender. Hunting, biting, scratching, all in good fun. I was …

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Can you be intimate without being sexual?

Most people love to touch the ones they are fond of. At the same time, touching others is often shrouded in anxiety: what if I do something wrong, go too far, or inadvertently touch the ‘wrong’ body part? Because of this anxiety to touch someone in the wrong way, or be touched in the wrong way, many of us chicken out and refrain from touching at all, especially in the Western world. We distance ourselves from others, barely touching, only when it cannot be avoided. The effect is that many feel alone, cut off from others. Is there another way? Can you be intimate without being sexual and reclaim touching, intimacy, in such a way that it serves us instead of …

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The Race Towards Sex

the race towards sex

Sex is a beautiful thing. Less beautiful are all the taboos and patterns that surround it. One of those patterns is the race towards sex. Many men seem to feel this urge to move flirting and intimacy towards sex. As soon as humanly possible. Many women are aware of this, and as a result hold back, so as not to give men the idea they are open to sex, fearing they cannot keep true to their boundaries and end up in something they are not open or ready for. Of course, it’s more complicated, some women do the same, but I like to generalize and keep it simple :). The race towards sex is the feeling that given the perceived …

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Dark chocolate cheesecake

chocolate cheesecake

The world of chocolate cheesecakes is magical! The taste is rich, creamy, sweet, with all the goodness of chocolate, combined with a crispy crust and slightly sour, fresh taste of the fresh cheese. This cake is very easy to make and will please almost anyone. If you are looking for a diet cake, this is not going to be top of the list though, with all that chocolate. Mmm.. chocolate! Right after making a white chocolate cheesecake for the birthday of our youngest daughter, which received much applaud, I was asked to make another one. This time I was asked to make a dark chocolate cheesecake for the birthday of my girlfriend, Wilrieke. Mind you, this was only three days after :). …

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White Chocolate Cheesecake

chocolate cheesecake

This month, my youngest daughter turned three years old. As is our custom, this gave her the privilege to choose what kind of pie she wanted. What she chose was a ‘plakketaart’ with raspberries. Unfortunately, I had no clue what a plakketaart was. I could have taken a guess, but knowing how precise she is in what she wants and doesn’t want, I knew this would probably lead to a very disappointed birthday girl. Instead, I started up my computer, got a screen full of different pies and had her point out what it was she wanted. After a while, it turned out that she wanted a cheesecake, and more specifically a white cheesecake with chocolate and raspberries. As I …

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Sex on the first date – why I don’t like to as a man

sex on the first date

One of the strongest public convictions that I’m aware of is that men like to have sex. Always, every time, at every chance they get. You often hear that men think about sex every seven seconds. Come again? That is over 500 times per hour! Is sex, or intercourse, the only thing men are interested in and do they always want to have sex on the first date (sex as in intercourse)? Well, no. I for one don’t like to. I’ll explain to you why. What I love about a new connection I love to connect with people. Best of all I like to explore a new, promising connection with someone I feel attracted to. Oh, the endless possibilities! It can go so many …

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What do I want out of Life?

What do I want out of life

It is such a simple question. Who am I? Where am I? What am I? What do I want out of life? So many of us try and live the way we want, to fulfill our dreams. But are those dreams really our dreams? Do you know who you truly are? What makes you tick, what makes you happy? What would you do if there was no one in the world to take notice of? Would you do the same as you do now? I don’t know what your answers to these questions are. But for me, I happen to have no clue. I have always tried to choose what I wanted to do, but have I really done that …

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How to Pursue Happiness

pursue happiness

What is the purpose of life? It is merely to exist, to produce offspring, to work as hard as you can, to praise (a) God, make as much money as possible, pursue happiness, or to live a fulfilling, meaningful life? There are so many answers, and I believe all of them can be true, as long as you believe in that meaning, and that meaning feels fulfilling to you. For myself, I believe the meaning of life is to live your life to the fullest, being as happy as you can be, fulfilling your dreams and potential, and living in a true, respectful and loving way. I believe that being as happy as you can possible be can never be …

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