How to regain my sexual desire?

fixing my sexual desire

Last week, I wrote an article about how I had lost my way in sex. Things had become too complex, too many rules to follow, and the expectations I set for myself were too high. I was stuck. Funny enough, it felt terrible mostly before I accepted that. Afterwards, I felt mostly relief and a strong urge to find out how to regain my sexual desire. In this article, I will share what has helped me so far. First of all, sexuality is a topic I’ve been exploring a lot over the last two years. What I felt was that many of us, me included, often lost ourselves in a race towards sex. Sex was the goal in the game of intimacy …

Continue reading

I’ve lost my way in sex

lost my way in sex

I remember sex as being something light, something playful. But somewhere along the way, it became complex, weird, and uneasy for me. I feel inadequate; it feels like hard work, like I’ve lost my edge. I don’t know what I’m doing anymore, I’ve lost my way in sex, and in a way, believe it or not, that is a good thing. For me, sex is essentially about having fun, about connecting, exploring, finding out how someone ticks, how the two (or more) of you connect. Sometimes about diving in an ocean of love, going under together. Other times, about letting your tiger come out to play, to snarl, devour, dominate and surrender. Hunting, biting, scratching, all in good fun. I was …

Continue reading

Can you be intimate without being sexual?

Most people love to touch the ones they are fond of. At the same time, touching others is often shrouded in anxiety: what if I do something wrong, go too far, or inadvertently touch the ‘wrong’ body part? Because of this anxiety to touch someone in the wrong way, or be touched in the wrong way, many of us chicken out and refrain from touching at all, especially in the Western world. We distance ourselves from others, barely touching, only when it cannot be avoided. The effect is that many feel alone, cut off from others. Is there another way? Can you be intimate without being sexual and reclaim touching, intimacy, in such a way that it serves us instead of …

Continue reading

What kind of relationship do I want?

What kind of relationship do I want

A relationship is often a very important part of your life that may fill you with love and joy, or it may be a pit of despair that casts a shadow on your entire life. Therefore, it is very important to ask: what kind of relationship do I want? Yet, little people take the time and the courage to ask themselves freely: what do I want? What it is I don’t want? And what do I want to learn? For a while now, I’ve been searching what kind of relationship I want to be in. I have had wonderful experiences the last years and some of them served me and some didn’t. It is easy to lose yourselves in the patterns of …

Continue reading

The Race Towards Sex

the race towards sex

Sex is a beautiful thing. Less beautiful are all the taboos and patterns that surround it. One of those patterns is the race towards sex. Many men seem to feel this urge to move flirting and intimacy towards sex. As soon as humanly possible. Many women are aware of this, and as a result hold back, so as not to give men the idea they are open to sex, fearing they cannot keep true to their boundaries and end up in something they are not open or ready for. Of course, it’s more complicated, some women do the same, but I like to generalize and keep it simple :). The race towards sex is the feeling that given the perceived …

Continue reading

The Three Levels in Conscious Sex

conscious sex

I love sex; I love the ecstatic rush, the flowing feeling of deep and unconditional love, the animalistic lust, taking complete control, absolute surrender. I love it when two souls, two bodies – or more 😉 – connect and make such magic happen. However, because sex stirs up so many emotions and feelings, it can be a tricky subject. Take for instance the question when to have sex? With whom do you have sex? And for what reasons? These questions have been on my mind a lot over the last year, and I think I have found an answer. A hangover after great sex Over the last year, I have been focusing on intimacy a lot, becoming comfortable with touch with …

Continue reading

How to develop my masculinity

As long as I can remember, I’ve always been a man with a strong feminine side. I’m sensitive, compassionate, a good listener, even during gymnastics in kindergarten, when the boys and the girls where split per gender and the boys had to try and catch the girls, I remember standing up for the girls and protecting them from the boys. Most of my friends are women and I felt often ashamed by the actions and impulses of men in general. Using aggression when arguments fall short and using rape to get what – or who – you want. It made me feel bad being a man and occasionally I felt that I was judged on these assumptions by women about …

Continue reading

Sex on the first date – why I don’t like to as a man

sex on the first date

One of the strongest public convictions that I’m aware of is that men like to have sex. Always, every time, at every chance they get. You often hear that men think about sex every seven seconds. Come again? That is over 500 times per hour! Is sex, or intercourse, the only thing men are interested in and do they always want to have sex on the first date (sex as in intercourse)? Well, no. I for one don’t like to. I’ll explain to you why. What I love about a new connection I love to connect with people. Best of all I like to explore a new, promising connection with someone I feel attracted to. Oh, the endless possibilities! It can go so many …

Continue reading

Female Beauty – a Male Perspective

Female beauty

To most men, looking at women is one of their favorite pastimes and most will agree that women are one of the most beautiful things on earth. Then, how can it be that so many women have such a negative image of their looks? Western studies have reported numbers that are shocking to me: 3% of British women reported to be totally happy with their body. So out of a 100 women, 97 have something they are unhappy with. 80% of women reported that they were unhappy about their body and 60% said their body image made them feel depressed. So many women are obsessed about their looks and body. The more they change, the more obsessed they often become, …

Continue reading